The Deep Connection Between Negative Self Talk, Trauma, and Healing
Our Inner Dialogue
We all engage in self talk- that inner dialogue that shapes how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. However, when this self talk becomes overwhelmingly negative, it can have profound effects on our overall well being, especially as we begin to unpack our trauma and begin to integrate it into who we- because the memory of the trauma is not going anywhere but adjusting how we react to the memory and interact with the world around us can change in time.
As I spend more time in therapy and learn more about the physical impacts that trauma has on the body, I feel much more validated in my experience with my trauma. Despite everything that i’ve been through and currently still walking through with infertility/ ttc journey I stubbornly maintained the unrealistic expectation, at least for me, that I could heal myself and simply by looking on the bright side and imaging that one day everything would suddenly become all better.
The Power of Negative Self Talk
Negative self talk is like a constant companion, whispering doubts, insecurities, and criticisms in our ears. It's that nagging voice that tells us we're not good enough, smart enough, or worthy of love and success. This self-defeating dialogue is often rooted in past experiences, shaping our perceptions of ourselves and our abilities.
Understanding Trauma
Trauma, whether stemming from a single event or prolonged experiences, leaves lasting imprints on our psyche. It can range from physical abuse to emotional neglect and for most of my readers here- the death of their unborn baby or infant. Its effects will most definitely extend far beyond the initial experience. Trauma disrupts our sense of safety and security, and it often contributes to the development of negative self talk patterns.
My negative self talk patterns more often than not revolve around thoughts that I deserved this or that I am a bad mother. Then, those thoughts extend to my mothering of my living daughter. It makes me doubt every decision that I make with her, and question if I am doing enough? It truly always circles back to me telling myself over and over again inside my negative self talk and thought patterns; “that I am unworthy of being a mother because my baby died in my belly.”
Rationally, I know that this is not true and that this is unfair to say to myself but inside my deep grief I still blame myself. I am her mother- I should have saved her and I didn’t therefore it feels as if I am a bad mother. THIS, is the negative thought pattern and self talk that I need help breaking.
Neuroscience and Negative Thought Pathways
Our brains have an incredible ability to form neural pathways based on our experiences and thoughts. When negative self talk becomes a pattern, it's because our neurotransmitters are firing and immediately sending us to that negative thought that we have reinforced over and over again. The more we engage in negative self talk, the stronger these neural pathways become, making it feel automatic and involuntary.
Understanding trauma and how our brain’s can condition itself unknowingly to this thought pattern has helped me release guilt around my own stagnation in healing. Now that I know that I am safe with my current therapist, who understands trauma and is ready to help me address and reroute my negative neural pathways I do feel more capable of healing.
Negative Self Talk and Trauma
Emotional Impact: Negative self talk and trauma form a cycle where each reinforces the other. Trauma triggers feelings of shame, guilt, and unworthiness, leading to self-criticism. This critical self-dialogue, in turn, exacerbates feelings of distress and emotional pain.
Physical Manifestations: The connection between negative self talk and physical health is well established and documented. Chronic stress resulting from negative self talk can lead to a range of physical symptoms, including: headaches, digestive issues, muscle tension, and even a weakened immune system. Trauma intensifies these physical effects, as the body remains in a constant state of fight or flight response.
The manifestation of trauma physically always amazes me. Our body is designed to protect at all costs but sometimes it gets stuck in a negative cycle that is harmful to us overtime. Oftentimes, we need a little help to readjust and make room from this big new trauma in our lives and learn how to live and heal with it, instead of our body remaining in fight or flight mode.
We Have the Power to Heal
While the grief can we overwhelming and it feels impossible to move forward most days, I am here to tell you that healing is possible. That there will be a day where it doesn’t feel as hard. That doesn’t mean that you are leaving your baby behind or forgetting anything about them. It just means that you have learned to carry the grief and your broken heart better and your days aren’t so difficult anymore.
Isaiah 41:10 (NIV): "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
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